The year we stop to smell the flowers (2019)

Year end is definitely the time we reflect on too many things – that time when we evaluate and give ourselves judgement if we are pleased with what we have done for the past 365 days. It’s the time of the year when people write “life essays.” It’s not a bad thing though. It just means that we put in the effort to look into our experiences and express them.

I want to promise to write here more, but the weight of the word more is something I might not be able to meet. Who knows, I might get busier at work, do more parenting on weekends, or just want to hibernate in my free time that are likely to hamper me from writing more. I find that as I get older, I have lesser time, energy, and focus to highly concentrate. What’s workable for me now is to do things in medium absorption as I stretch myself to accommodate growing errands and do varying things that make me happy.

I am proud that 2019 is the year that I squeeze in fitness into my routine. I’ve been enrolled in different gyms since 2014 but this is the time that I’ve been steadily showing up. I intensely enjoy the classes where I’m at now and the coaches are welcoming. I still eat a lot though, and there’s a lot of shit in it, so I am not on a good level of wellness yet. But I will get there.

I feel that time keeps going faster; maybe it’s because I have kids who just seem to sneakily grow up quick. Plenty happened and I changed. When I read my wrap-up for 2018, I see that I am able to achieve most of what I said I would for this year.

But this is not a spotless year. There are things I regret like my sudden immense outbursts and the failure to control the hurtful and even absurd things I said. And I haven’t completely forgiven myself. When I saw The Two Popes – that scene when young Bergoglio and Jalics shared a mass together, I could not stop my tears.

I also lost my wedding ring. When people and things are important, we are supposed to take care of them. I like my ring and I value it but I could not remember if it fell off my finger somewhere in BGC or in my carpool. The thing is, I was pregnant and swollen when we got our rings so when I lost weight, it would recurrently fall off on its own.

I like that I took so many photographs this year. A decade after college, I am back to using film with the push from Shin, my sister, who has become quite the enthusiast. I have two film cameras now – a yellow Konica gifted by her and a self-bought leather finish Minolta – both in 35mm format.

I love that we travel more as a family since last year. For local trips, it has always been the four of us with my dad sometimes because mom finds last-minute reasons to back out by habit, while my sister is either busy with freelance work (or dgaf).

Here are photos from our last family trip for this year. ❤

Kwentong Dagat
Sitio Liwliwa, San Felipe, Zambales
December 2019

*More photos uploaded on Instagram

What do you think of taking photographs and writing journals?

~I like how these let us capture experiences. When we document, we freeze a period of tangency in our lives, which occurs only at one point and that will never happen again.

New Goals:

  • Stop giving in to tempting junk unless deserved
  • Respect everything more
  • Do as opposed to want

This year, I am still here. Thank you God for letting me keep myself and the people I love.

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